Saturday, September 24, 2005

Finally the in-laws like me

(posted by Kristy)
So I just met Katec, Francisco's brother (the one that's behind him in the age bracket) and he's so nice! I finally feel like it's at least okay with someone in Francisco's family to love and be married to him. I act all funny when I meet new people that I'm supposed to impress. Okay so maybe I wasn't supposed to impress him, but I felt like I was and I acted slightly off normal, but oh well. I suppose we all do that sometimes.
I did, so much, enjoy meeting him and cannot wait to call him my brother! I wanted to tonight, but thought it wise to wait until maybe the 2nd time we met ;)
He and Francisco get along really great and I completely loved watching them together. I finally get to see Francisco around a person in his family that he's comfortable with and it was beautiful. They are very much a like and it warms my heart to see some of the same things I love about Francisco in his younger brother. It may be years until the rest of his family sees the truth or starts to come to terms with 'real life' and not just their own little world, but at least I have this small ray of hope to hang on to. Thank you God for Katec and I only pray that he will continue to grow more comfortable with me and truely become a brother.
I feel a slight saddness as I sit and type this, but cannot peg why. Maybe becaue I feel slightly stupid at my feeling of needing to impress Katec. Or maybe it's just saddness that my soon to be in-laws are not the family I was hoping they would be. But then again neither are mine. Maybe I'm sad because I miss my mom and I miss his mom. I never met her, but know that she was the love that held their familly so tight...just like my mom. And when that kind of love and light leaves it leaves behind it a very large whole. One that can never be filled. Maybe I'm sad, because I yearn so much to become a wife to my fiance and to love to the complete fullness that a wife is allowed to love a husband. But I have 126 days to wait. And usually it just makes me frustrated, but right now I'm sad. I'm feeling constricted and well cheated. The rest of the world gets "theirs" and because I love something bigger then me, becaues I love God and choose to follow his commands I am waiting another 126 days. I've been told too many times to count that it will be worth it, but now it doesn't feel nice. I know it will be. I mean I waited to kiss someone until it was Francisco (he was my first and last kiss ;D) and I wasn't let down. I love that I waited and that he was the one and is the one I'll be kissing for the rest of my life. So I know that waiting, just like God commanded, with bring blessings to us. But this is really difficult. And like so many times before, if I weren't in this situation I would be scoffing at this tale of woe, but once you're finally in this situation you truely do understand. I am sorry for all of those I did not understand. I know we've both gone through things more difficult, and we survived so I know we'll survive. But it really isn't nice. And when the people close to you aren't close enough to help, or aren't following the path you've chosen it makes it even more difficult.
I've said enough I guess, but still this saddness lingers and I miss my mommy.
But I am so proud to say I have finally found one worthy to call a brother. Katec it was very nice to meet you.

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