The Cruelty of this world.

Just before I got to work this morning a police officer was shot and/or run over. The details are sketchy. I feel so small and vulnerable. It happened 1/2 a block from my school. Praise God the kids weren't there. But I was...and I'm so not used to this. It was quite odd to see all the rest of teachers reactions. It was almost as though they were callous to this already. Either that or they were wearing masks to hide their feelings of smallness. I'm not good at hiding that. And the moment I got there I wanted to go home, but we had to stay until noon. At noon I got in my car and drove out to the police line and was told that I couldn't go home until the detectives came to release us. We were stuck at school until 2:30/2:40pm. I was NOT happy about that. Home feels so much safer then out there. The whole place felt like Law and Order mixed with CSI. I felt like I was in a movie. I'm not sure if the officer is ok. I'm not sure what happened. But I do know that shootings have happened down there and that people are just "used to it" but I don't understand how anyone could get used to something like that. It breaks my heart that people get to the point where they can harm someone like that.
On top of that my cousin just totally broke my heart. Not in the way a lover does, but in the way only family can. And I lied to him, because he just doesn't get how big my heart is and how much I love. PEOPLE..... you NEEEED to understand that you can't just tell me oh don't worry about it I don't want to bother you with it. It doesn't work that way with me. You can't just push me under the rug when I love you that much. It breaks my heart when you won't take the love I'm offering. He broke my heart and I don't know if he'll ever know or really understand. We used to be so close. What happened to the rest of family? I miss them. I miss the days when my mom was around .... she was so much better at keeping us together. I wish I would have inherited that from her.
Dang what a rough day.