I spent time reading Ephesians this morning and after I decided to write in my journal. I think this was a long time in coming. I mean for the last month or so I could feel it coming together in my head, but today I actually wrote it out and thank God for such wisdom!
Journal for November 7, 2008:
The gift I've been given gives me the right to be proud and stand tall. I just have to receive it. It's for me. I must also live my life worth of it...ie: being a good example or vessel. So that being said my grasping and believing the lies fed to me would not be living my life under that. Nor is it living a life of freedom. So my job is to grasp, understand, embrace, and live my life in freedom. The freedom being...I am loved by God. I am defined only by His Love. I am a product of His love. Since there is sin it is okay to say I will never be good enough. That is not my job anymore. Since I can not be good enough then I have to let that go and understand that God is perfectly fine with that. In fact that's why I have Jesus. So in having Jesus - only with Jesus and by Jesus' blood am I good enough. When I step outside of that and try to take that job (being good enough) on my own then that's when I fail. Because it's not my job to be good enough! It's Jesus' job and He already did it. So when I let go and rest inside the grace of Christ I become free from trying to be good enough. Grace is free and it was given to me. Given to me not because of anything I did or didn't do. It was given out of pure love. I do not need to earn it. I merely need to accept it. When I try to work for it or try to be god enough I am not accepting the gift of grace. And though this may be difficult to do it is done by faith. And faith is hope. And hope is freedom. So by grace through faith I am free.
And faith is my shield. It is no small shield. But a HUGE round shield (think 300). I can crouch behind it if need be. I must remember this when the arrows come at me. For they will, because the last thing the enemy wants is for me to understand I am free. Free from his lies.